Not as blind as you think
by Starlight Glimmer
Summary: 'Because sometimes, ignorance is bliss, so Sirius just pretends he can't see, that he can't feel James and Peter and Remus's eyes trained on him, just pretends that he's as blind as you think. But he knows that he's really a Black at heart, no matter what.


**Author's Note: Hope you like it and please review. As usual, Harry Potter does not belong to me. This writing is inspired by an awesome fan fiction writer called NotWhoYouThinkThisIs and that story, Hidden In Plain Sight. I am truly inspired by that. **

_People, who don't know us think we can't see, think we'll just a couple of immature pranksters with a perfect life. In truth, we're nowhere near perfect, in truth; we're not as blind as you think._

_-The Marauders. _

Not as blind as you think

**Sirius**

_Almost everyone sees Sirius as a player, a prank loving boy, an infamous troublemaker. Nearly no one could have guessed that he was more._

James is no fool, and he sees it when Sirius is always exceedingly polite with Mr Potter that he answers a little bit too stiffly and never forgets to add a sir at the end of his sentence. He sees it in the way that Sirius never talks about his family and almost always avoids Slytherins at the start of a new term. James sees it when Sirius unconsciously straightens (unlike his usual slouching pose) in front of his family, sees it when his messy writing as a sort of neat quality to it. James sees it when Sirius _never _does his homework at night, and it's _such_ a small thing, but noticeable. James knows that when Sirius is tired and he writes, James will see the perfect brush script handwriting, and notices how it matches Lily's computer writing thing. James sees, and he's not as blind as they think, as Lily use to think, how Sirius can balance so well, that when he's not really thinking about it he has the perfect pureblood manners, that he can dance so _bloody _well. Underneath Sirius Black, the master of crudeness there's Sirius Black, the pureblood and James knows that these tiny things show when you look close enough, when you actually see.

James is not blind and sees that the others see, that Moony and Wormtail has their eyes trained on Sirius as well, and sometimes James wonders if they can see more than he can. James wonders if he really knows Sirius as much as he thinks. But, what James is certain about, is that he can see things that no one else can see.

Peter sees the longing look that briefly appears when he hears a mother's love for a child at Platform 9 ¾. Peter doesn't miss how he loves praise, and, although it results in arrogance, Peter doesn't really mind. Peter can see that Sirius does his homework perfectly (though at the last minute) and how his face lights up when a teacher comments on his cleverness. He knows how it feels like, really, because Peter was too a disappointment, and he _knows _the need for approval, unlike James and Remus who have their parents to dote on them, seemingly oblivious to this want. Sirius brushes it away, but Peter catches him sneaking a glance at his perfect O and his grey eyes lighting up. James doesn't notice this, Remus doesn't notice this. But Peter does, and he can understand it more than anyone. He sees how Sirius stays up late at night to tutor him for the next day's test. Everyone knows that Sirius is no patient saint, but still, he refuses to sleep until Peter has got it right, and the dedication. Peter knows he does this because Sirius knows what it feels like to be a disappointment, and how he feels when someone gives up on him.

Peter sees it in the way that no one else sees it, how Sirius's eyes gets a fraction wider and a look of emptiness settles when his mother sends him a Howler stating her shame for the whole student population to hear. Sirius's face closes down, devoid of any emotion, and it's at times like this that Peter notices the tutoring that Sirius has had since a young age dominates him. Sirius tries to rid himself of his past, but it's so _goddamn_ obvious. Peter may be no genius in class, but he notices more than other people. Sirius is excellent in hiding it, but if anyone truly looks, the signs are all there.

Remus sees it, well, smells it too, how Sirius flinches from raised voices how he looks pale and sickly on the first day of the term- almost like him after the full moon. Remus sees it in the way how Sirius is more subdued for the first month or so, and how the distinct smell of bruising cream and dried blood wafts from his bed at night. Remus is a werewolf, and he can smell and hear better than humans. When Remus notices the absence of quiet whimpering during a thunderstorm or just after the holidays, Remus knows that either Sirius isn't there or a silencing charm is up and Remus thinks of _why _he would need a silencing charm if nothing is happening. But Remus is a good person so he never mentions it, just worries and worries. Remus sees it in the fact that Sirius can brew Numbing Potions and Pain Potions (-can get it done for you soon, actually) and that's harder than NEWT'S expectations. He sees it when even Regulus shoots worried glances over to Sirius, and Remus's worry increases a tiny bit. It's killing him to keep silent, but Remus is a good person.

Remus sees it when Sirius's worry is practically radiating off him after the full moon, more than James and Peter anyway, and that he offers him practically finished bruising pasted and knows exactly how to treat a sore. Remus sees it when Sirius hardly needs to go to the Hospital Wing (can heal it in a sec, ok?) and he knows healing spells that even _Madame_ _Pomfrey _doesn't know.

Sirius sees it too, sees the famous Black eyes every single time he looks in the mirror, sees how everything about him spells Black. Sirius hates it but it's just something he can't change, so he pretends he can't see it, pretends that he can't see the same grey eyes staring at him. Sirius sees how he can be cruel, sees how he can sometimes loose control and be totally_ Black._

Sirius just hopes without conviction that no one notices, but he knows they do, knows that James, Peter, Remus are all observing him, so he tries to pretend, but sometimes he can't keep the act. Sometimes, the cruelty and darkness that was born in him explodes and he does something unforgivable, and that's when he's truly reminded that no matter what he did, he's always a Black at heart.

As the saying goes_, Ignorance is bliss_, so Sirius just pretends he can't see these painfully obvious things, and pretends to be as blind as everyone thinks.


End file.
